Apple Tests Virtual Chastity Belt – Declares War on Hot Bods

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Apple Tests Virtual Chastity Belt – Declares War on Hot Bods

In a polarizing sweep that should surprise no one, the cleanest name in computing, Apple, has reportedly dumped nearly 5 thousand apps from the iTunes store, leaving smut peddlers everywhere scratching their heads. One such smut dealer is AMG. The wholesome folks at Apple Pie computers had this to say about retroactively poo-pooing our PG apps, AMG Brasil Boys and AMG Beefcake:

The App Store continues to evolve, and as such, we are constantly refining our guidelines. Your application, AMG Beefcake and AMG Brasil Boys, contains content that we had originally believed to be suitable for distribution. However, we have recently received numerous complaints from our customers about this type of content, and have changed our guidelines appropriately. 

Passing the buck, eh? When all else fails, blame the consumer. Truth is, Apple’s uncomfortable with the idea that sex might somehow taint their sterile image. If they could have, they would have blocked these apps right out the gate. However, at the time, according to a friend of ours who worked in iTunes promotions, the review team for Apple’s apps was made up of a hand-full of people, and the sheer volume of submissions was overwhelming. Basically, there weren’t enough red flags, or referees, as it were, to raise all the red flags needed to keep Apples performance squeaky clean.

We have decided to remove any overtly sexual content from the App Store, which includes your application.

Basically, our hands are tied. For now, we’ll be moving on to more expansive mobile technologies – keep your eye out for new AMG mobile capabilities soon – and reminding ourselves that everything’s going be okay. If this was high school Apple would be rocking one of those lame abstinence bracelets and rallying around the flag pole, and we’d be smoking cigarettes and giving blow jobs under the bleachers. Who’s the loser now?