Amazonia Production Diary: Day 1

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Amazonia Production Diary: Day 1

About three months ago my boss walked up to my desk and said that he had a proposition for me. When the words “I have a proposition for you” are used in the porn industry they are usually followed by a detailed description of a sexual act and dollar signs. However, coming from Dennis, and knowing my position in the company, I knew this wasn’t that kind of proposition. He told me that he wanted to create the biggest production in AMG history. It would be big, 2 disks and plot-driven, unlike previous AMG Brasil films. I expected him to say that he wanted me to help in the creative process. Instead he said, “I want to take you to Brasil.”

I couldn’t believe it. What was the catch? Was I going down there as a fluffer or head of promotions? Since fluffers are all but extinct, that left only one option. By the end of the next week I was at the post office renewing my passport and before I knew it, I was on a plane to Rio de Janeiro. The rest is history in the making.

Saturday May 26, 2007 10:49 a.m.

I am sitting in the living room of Dennis’ apartment in Ipanema looking out on to the Atlantic Ocean. For the past several nights we have been writing the script for our big summer feature, and at night drinking and dancing on the beaches and in the clubs of Rio de Janeiro. It has taken us several six-packs of beer and bottles of cachaca to come up with the final script for Amazonia, a hardcore man-on-man Indio-military-surfer flick. Think Lost meets Apocalypto meets Kristen Bjorn with a cast of chiseled, bronzed Brasilians and one well-known American porn studlet. I’ll leave your mind to ponder who that might be until later. I don’t want to give too much away but I will tell you that in the film a ritual sacrifice will be made.

We begin shooting Monday at a beach about an hour and a half North of Rio. It will be my first time on a real porn set. I’ve done my share of still shoots as the editor of Box, but this is a different beast. Aside from that, the work I do at AMG is usually so far removed from the actual production that I am not sure what to expect.

Photo shoots are straightforward - hair, makeup, lights, camera, click, click, click, edit, format and print. Designing a box cover is even more one-dimensional; well, two-dimensional if you want to get technical. The preparation for a feature film is so much more complex; you have scripts, timing, marks, security, kraft services, and on and on. And the time spent in post-production and marketing - like I said, something entirely different.

Over the past few nights I’ve seen some of the most beautiful people in the world. In Brazil, even the homeliest streetwalker has an air of sensuality that is unmistakable, it’s like there is a factory somewhere pumping pheromones into the air. They are long, lean, short, muscular, dark, light, blonde, brunette, hairy, hairless and everything in between, and even now, in the middle of the Brasilian winter, they walk the streets shirtless in shorts that reveal every curve and crevasse. Board shorts sans-chones are the norm for the locals, known here as Cariocas.

I think I would be nervous about tomorrow regardless, but this is Brasil and the men I’ve seen here have supplied the most intense fantasy fodder ever. If I lived here my palms would be so callused I might loose sensation in my hands altogether. I have no idea what to expect, but I do know that after this trip I’ll be seeing things from a different perspective.

5:27 p.m. We just got back from the markets in downtown Rio and I am exhausted. It feels like we went to every costume shop, variety store, hardware store, craft center and home decor outlet within a 5-mile radius. The markets here are insane. Tiny, shotgun buildings loaded with everything from flatware to pasties are packed like sardines on either side of narrow streets. Aside from the necessary porn accoutrement, I picked up a couple choice items including a pair of faux-fur, one-size-fits-all, fire red underwear dawning a doggy face with googley eyes for my boyfriend, and three pairs of red, gold and green tear drop earrings for my roommate. I only spent five American dollars. What can I say? I love a bargain. Ha.

I digress, back to the porno-prop treasure hunt. When we looked for the right accessories for Amazonia, we had a general understanding of what we wanted. We tried not to get too particular, to avoid disappointment. Instead, we let the props direct us. In one instance we were in a warehouse-sized Carnaval shop looking for costumes and anything that screamed ‘tribal sacrifice.’ It was the biggest store we had seen all day, and judging from the black and white photos on the wall and the antique cash register (still in use) in the corner, this place had been around for a while.

Dennis was digging around behind a mannequin wearing a big, feathered Carnaval headdress, when he came a cross a pair of hollow bullhorns. He pulled them out, dusted them off and walked to a salesman. The man looked like he had never seen them before and went to the register to inquire about the artifacts. The woman behind the register shrugged and said, “15 reais.” No one knew where they came from or how long they had been there, but we decided that they would make perfect dick sheaths for our Amazon warriors.

After all the planning, writing and shopping, everything is prepared for tomorrow. I’ve written my questions for interviews with the models, packed my bags, learned how to use the camera to take candid, behind-the-scene shots and laid out a four-month marketing plan for Amazonia. I should be excited but I am just nervous. What if I get too excited? What if it's not exciting at all? What if I loose interest in sex altogether? I can’t think about it too much. For now, I just have to sit back and relax. Maybe I’ll go down to the beach and have a caipirinha, and watch the boys from Ipanema pass by.